*****   The Inalienable Rights Scene from Life of Brian         *****
 *****   Transcribed by Dwayne A. X. E. E. (86/5/13)             *****

 (A huge Roman amphitheatre sparsely attended.  REG, FRANCIS, STAN and JUDITH
  are seated in the stands.  They speak conspiratorially.)

         JUDITH
      ... Any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must *reflect* such a divergence
      of interests within its power-base.
         REG
      Agreed.
 (General nodding.)
      Francis?
         FRANCIS
      I think Judith's point of view is valid here, Reg, provided the Movement
      never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man ...
         STAN
      Or woman.
         FRANCIS
      Or woman ... to rid himself ...
         STAN
      Or herself.
         REG
      Or herself.  Agreed.  Thank you, brother.
         STAN
      Or sister.
         FRANCIS
      Thank you, brother.  Or sister.  Where was I?
         REG
      I thought you'd finished.
         FRANCIS
      Oh, did I?  Right.
         REG
      Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man ...
         STAN
      Or woman.
         REG
      Why don't you shut up about women, Stan, you're putting us off.
         STAN
      Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
         FRANCIS
      Why are you always on about women, Stan?
         STAN
      ... I want to be one.
         REG
      ... What?
         STAN
      I want to be a woman.  From now on I want you all to call me Loretta.
         REG
      What!?
         STAN
      It's my right as a man.
         JUDITH
      Why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
         STAN
      I want to have babies.
         REG
      You want to have babies?!?!?!
         STAN
      It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
         REG
      But you can't have babies.
         STAN
      Don't you oppress me.
         REG
      I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb.  Where's the
      fetus going to gestate?  You going to keep it in a box?
 (STAN starts crying.)
         JUDITH
      Here!  I've got an idea.  Suppose you agree that he can't actually have
      babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans',
      but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
         FRANCIS
      Good idea, Judith.  We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have
      babies, brother.  Sister, sorry.
         REG
      What's the point?
         FRANCIS
      What?
         REG
      What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't
      have babies?
         FRANCIS
      It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
         REG
      It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.

 *****   Here endeth Part Six of ... Life of Brian (of Nazareth) *****